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Introduction and Table of Contents



Were I but King of Anglophonia

Fresh Mint, Anyone?

The King is quite aware that the glorious English language has changed and evolved over time, starting from roots that were not at all English and were therefore far from glorious. Despite the King’s feeling that English has now reached its peak and any change must therefore be assumed to be for the worse, he reluctantly accepts the lesson about the tides imparted by Canute.

(No, not Knut. Canute. This is a corollary to the rule expounded under Vive l’Angleterre. For the same reason, we refer to Charlemagne, a name that would have been meaningless to the incestuous old coot himself but which is now the correct one if you are speaking English – as you had best be, if you want to live a trouble-free life in Anglophonia.)

Nonetheless, the King wants the evolution of the language to be controlled and slow, and he wants the changes to be reasonable, reasonably necessary, and pleasing to his ears. The ideal neologism fills a need, a linguistic vacuum whose existence has become a problem. Thus, while some self-styled language purists object to the admittedly graceless coinages proactive and disinformation, their objections seem to stem from their ignorance of the vacuum these words fill and their consequent misunderstanding of why the alternatives they suggest – reactive and misinformation – don’t do the job.

By contrast, take, in the sense of "impression" or "opinion" or "analysis" (e.g., "What’s your take on that?"), is an abomination. It is ugly. It does not serve a linguistic purpose that was not already served by existing words. Perhaps worst of all, it is imprecise. Rather than adding precision, clarity, and utility to the language, it leads to fuzzy and vague sentences. As noted in the first sentence in this paragraph, it can have at least three quite different meanings, and it is not necessarily clear from context which meaning the silly speaker intends.

Therefore, this usage of take is forbidden in Anglophonia.

Punishment

Those who violate this decree use will be subjected to prolonged caning upon the bare soles of the feet, during which the Royal Sole Caner will repeatedly ask, "What’s your take on this?"



Introduction and Table of Contents

Main PageBusiness Secrets from the StarsEssaysNovels & Short StoriesAnother Chance at Life: A Breast Cancer Survivor's JourneyTell a friend about this pageE-mail