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Hate Mail

by David Dvorkin

You use your Web site to try to save your country, and do you get love and appreciation for it? Why, no! Instead, you get hate mail. Or, if you prefer, hatemail.

What a surprise, eh?

Dear Mr. Dvorkin,

I sincerely regret the misfortune of coming across your site and views. The freedoms that provide your vile tongue are being abused. Although I don’t particularly like the phase, opinions are like Assholes, I just wish yours spewed its shit in a good old fashion Middle Eastern country. That way, your opinions and freedoms that you have been entitled would both be eliminated in crude but rapid fashion.

Take the day off and consider the sacrifices made for the opportunity of your free speech, and then take an objective look at your collective assortment of shit. Keep your thoughts offline and live with your own stench, other innocent intellects should not share your disdain.

Truly ashamed you are legally a countryman,


And then you have to reply:

Oh, Pee.

You're only nominally a countryman of mine. My country is the United States that really believes in freedom of speech and understands that it is the most unpopular speech that is most deserving of protection. Your country is the evil and undemocratic place that Little Georgie Dubya and his cabal are trying to replace mine with. Mere lip service to national ideals and heroes is not enough, Pee.

I have two pieces of advice for you:

First, when writing hate mail, don't try to use elevated English. Write in your normal style, no matter how semi-literate that may be. Attempting to use long, complex sentences and long words but doing so incorrectly makes you look even sillier than the sentiments you expressed in your hate mail already do.

Second, repeat high school, and this time, don't sleep through American History.

The poor boy can't help digging his hole still deeper:

I expected such a typical response. Your patterns of writing are evident throughout your comments and site. I almost withheld my email realizing that you thrive on any literary debate that includes your self-perceived enlightening reply. It is my opinion that our exchange of emails is one of many that you receive and likely fills a considerable void for you. Therefore, it is clear to see that I don’t hate you… I helped you make it through another day and you’re welcome.

We are fortunate for one thing; I am a part of the next generation, our future. It is my hope that true Americans are in the belief that "United We Stand" even when strong differences of opinion on policy and decision making exist. People like you whom ridicule, insult and mock our leadership and collective efforts to those who are preying on our freedoms and using those same privileges against us are the deteriorating element of our freedoms (of speech). You offer very little to the United States, therefore feel you overstated the amount (nominally) in which you and I share as countrymen. You see David; I believe in the United States and will not belittle the integrity of those who died for us nor the leaders whom we voted in and represent(ed) this country. In addition, I am a person that works hard to be part of the solutions rather than a minority of others whom offer little but are quick to criticize, slander and second guess decision making (of our leaders for example).One last thing… the follow up to the aforementioned quote "Divided We Fall" . I see your kind every day; I won’t subscribe nor conform to your easy chair of discontent.

Your sense of humor evaporates:

Perhaps you'll grow up some day and realize that people like me are the real patriots. Until then, stop embarrassing yourself.

Here's some more hate mail - stuff I didn't bother replying to. One should probably never reply to this e-vomit.

I stumbled across your website when I found a link to the 5 most pointless sights. I found that you as an individual needs help, your website proves nothing.

Go Bush!!

Subject: I could be mistaken, but.....

.....you seem to be some sort of left wing moron.

I am a Republican. As in Republican in the way that the founding fathers were and I have one thing to tell you. You got your ideas not from America but from Socialists who left Europe to breed their corrupt sick and unnatural ideas here. So, I have an idea of my own.
You can go to any of these lovely spots, France, Germany (Where being unemployed is Chic' and the IN THING) or in any of the other mildly communistic rotten European nations and live there. That's where your ideas came from because as I look into my History books, I don't see anything that talks about the Government being the answer to anyone's prayers. In fact the founders felt Government was the problem. So, now...be a loyal American grab your things and go because obviously you have forgotten the Constitution and the ideas surrounding it and certainly accountability and maturity is something you don't have. And if you cannot take care of yourself and hate the idea of defending yourself I am sure any of the above nations will provide you with enough safety and security that the overwhelming tax burden of those nations can afford.
Have a nice day. Please let us know when you plan to leave because the rest of us will be there to send you off and to make sure you actually left for good.

From: Haywood Jablowme
Subject: Pansy little shite

You are really delusional. I only hope that some day you experience the full effects of an Islamic terrorist's actions against yourself and your family. Perhaps then there will be a small chance that you might comprehend what it is that we are fighting for. In the mean time, enjoy your stay on the outskirts of society in loony-ville.

P.S. watch out for the black helicopters and don't forget your tinfoil hat!

I read your mindless 'manifesto' (sounds SO euro-for the people!)

You liberals are such wandering and aimless idiots. Your ultimate goal is nothing short of eradication of all the moral values of TRUE Americans, those who pattern themselves after the original revolutionaries who established this great country.

Your only hope is in sheer numbers, since you fail miserably in moral fiber, original ideas and true partisanship. You fools have no idea what it takes to build UP a country, only what it takes to tear one down. And an that you're minions are doing a hell of a job!

This one isn't a letter. Some guy set up a Web page to tell the world what an evil liberal I am:


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