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Introduction and Table of Contents



Were I but King of Anglophonia

Sir, You Are Not Pregnant

Picture the beaming young husband whose wife has just told him that, for better or worse, their genes are due to be propagated. "We're going to have a baby!" he tells everyone. Isn't that charming? But perhaps he tells everyone, "We're pregnant!" Is that also charming? Not in Anglophonia.

Ladies, surely you would never say, in an attempt to show empathy with your mate, anything as illogical as "We have an enlarged prostate!" or "We have an undescended testicle!" Be glad that you cannot have personal knowledge of these medical misfortunes. And men, feel free to be relieved that it is the woman who is pregnant, not you. You are going to be a father -- nothing less, and nothing more.

Therefore, dear young couples, please do not go about saying anything so absurd as "We're pregnant!"

Punishment

Men who transgress this decree will have a watermelon surgically inserted into their abdominal cavities and left there for 9 months. Women who transgress this decree will be spared punishment for obvious reasons.



Introduction and Table of Contents

Main PageBusiness Secrets from the StarsEssaysNovels & Short StoriesAnother Chance at Life: A Breast Cancer Survivor's JourneyTell a friend about this pageE-mail