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Introduction and Table of Contents



Were I but King of Anglophonia

You Could Look It Up, but You Would Be Well Advised Not To

Dictionaries are very good things except when they're very bad things. American dictionaries, especially, are rickety weapons that can do terrible damage in careless hands.

The problem stems from the often repeated and silly idea that American dictionaries are descriptive, not prescriptive. Americans, you see, are such free spirits, such individualists, so quick to defy authority, and so inventive at changing the language they speak, that the best their dictionaries can hope to do - or indeed should morally want to do - is describe the language as it is and not dare to decree spelling or usage rules to these brave frontiersmen, these hardy conquerors of the wilderness. So different from those stuffy and cowed Europeans!

But get into an argument about spelling or usage with an American, and he will be quick to appeal to his dictionary, very likely one bearing the sacred name of Webster, to prove that he's right and you're wrong. If you suggest that you're right and the people who wrote that dictionary are wrong, he'll vacillate between scorn and outrage. You will have offended an aspect of his American religion that was established even before the American Revolution. In fact, he will have demonstrated why it is fair to say that all dictionaries, including American ones, no matter what their authors may claim, are prescriptive.

Lexicographers have a lot to answer for. As the language changes, new spellings and usages are simply crammed into new editions of dictionaries. Then, if you object to some new linguistic horror, some fool will inevitably open his shiny new Webster's and point to the horror's presence in it. In his view, the argument is settled. The Divine Webster has given his imprimatur and the horror is now standard and correct and you are wrong.

That's why it's so nice be the King. Correct usage and spelling are what the King says they are. He may occasionally refer to a dictionary to settle some confusion, but it will probably be an old one, and it is very likely to bear the sacred name of Oxford.



Introduction and Table of Contents

Main PageBusiness Secrets from the StarsEssaysNovels & Short StoriesAnother Chance at Life: A Breast Cancer Survivor's JourneyTell a friend about this pageE-mail